Naruto Uzumaki: Love Machine and Hating it
by maliousdei
Summary: Naruto and his team go on a regular B-rank mission and it ends with Naruto passing out cold. Once he wakes up, his female friends start to act strangely around him and naruto wants to find out why. Naruto&harem at first. Later narusaku.
1. the nightmare begins

**Naruto Uzumaki: Love Machine and Hating it.**

**Disclaimer: the following is a fan based story. Naruto Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo. Please support the official release.**

**Flashback**

_Thought_

jutsu

Chapter 1: the nightmare begins 

'_Who would go through so much trouble over a box?'_ Was a question Naruto had been rambling through his mind as he fought against an enemy from the Otogakure. Naruto barely stood as he was panting from over exertion.

His enemy was one of the strangest ones he had seen yet. His most noticeable features were his blue hair is a poodle like style, his star sun-glasses, a feminine like face, and he was dressed up in a bright yellow, glitter covered, clown outfit. _'Is this the kind of company that Orochimaru keeps?'_ Naruto contemplated.

**Flashback**

**Team Kakashi was out on a B-ranked mission to deliver a priceless, hand-crafted, jewelry box to Sunagakure. Tsunade ordered the team to guard it with their lives. Naruto was carrying the box inside his backpack.**

**After they got pasted the gates of Konoha, everything seemed to be quiet and peaceful. Even Naruto kept his mouth shut, not wanting to sound like an idiot in front of everyone. **

**Once they were half-way across the border, in a large forest between Konoha and Suna, Sai asked, "So what's really so special about that box? Because I doubt that it's only being well guarded because it looks expensive." Just saying that peaked Naruto's, Sakura's, and Yamato's interest.**

**Kakashi knew that they would probably sooner or later, he also knew that the basis for a good team was trust, but he couldn't tell them because he knew that it had to kept secret. Also he noticed a something moving in a near by bush.**

"**Stay on guard!" Kakashi ordered and then everyone snapped back into attention and the group expected to be attacked by an enemy ninja, but instead, as they were still walking towards the fork in the road, they ran into a traveling circus.**

**Their carts were carrying cages that were containing what looked like human-like tigers, lions, alligators, and condors all with sad faces. The also had a cart that had clowns inside. The carts were being pulled by human-like horses.**

**Yamato and Kakashi were looking into the cages curiously when the carts stopped and one of the clowns got out of one of the carts and walked up to them. (He is the clown Naruto is fighting. I'm saying this because it saves me the trouble in giving his description.) **

"**Is there a problem here, gentlemen?" The clown asked. "It's nothing, we were just looking at some of your creatures and I must say, they don't look too cheerful." Yamato said. The clown rose an eyebrow.**

"**Well, that's one of the attractions we have at our circus, we let our customers ogle at the freaks. Since you are a private audience, it's gonna have to cost you something extra." Kakashi and Yamato both kept straight faces while Naruto, Sakura, and Sai tried to listen in on the conversation. The clown then looked at Naruto's backpack like he knew something was there. He then said, "Like how about that pretty little box your blond friend is carrying in his backpack?" The team then stood in shock and they then prepared themselves to fight.**

**The clown the launched onto Naruto trying to get his bag, but he was the swiftly punched off by Naruto and then regained his balance. **

"**Strangely, I'm getting used to getting groped by the people that attack me." Naruto said to annoy the clown. It also annoyed a certain pink-haired kunoichi who remembered the last enemy that did that and that she almost stole his chakra through a kiss. **

**Four more clowns came out of the cart. They were all dressed the same way, probably posing as a family act for their "circus". They were all dressed in red, rubber suits that covered their entire bodies, they were all bald to the back of their heads, and they also had no pupils in there eyes. (Very freaky.)**

**While one other clown stayed in the cart and pulled the it and the other carts with the rest of their little side shows away. Naruto had seen creatures like them before when he was searching for Sasuke. Yamato and Kakashi had seen them before as well. They were some of Orochimaru's experiments. That could only mean that these clowns have the same kind of sadistic humor that Orochimaru has. **

"**So Orochimaru has henchmen who look exactly like him, why am I not surprised?" Kakashi said. **

"**You know, I was kind of hoping we could avoid a conflict, but Orochimaru-sama does want that box. so nice knowing you kids." The main clown attacked Naruto with a kunai in his hand. Naruto was able to dodge the attack and then prepared for battle. **

"**Don't just stand there looking pretty, attack you bakas!" The clown ordered as the rest of the clowns then went into battle. The rest of the team ran into different locations to avoid being ganged up upon. That left only Naruto and the main clown in the same location. **

"**It's just you and me now boy!" As the clown attacked again.**

**End flashback.**

Both the clown and Naruto were nearly out of chakra and were really tired. So they had only one solution to their conflict. Regular, hand-to-hand combat. They both tackled each other and started blindingly throwing punches at one another. Neither one of them gave an inch, until the clown threw one clean uppercut that sent Naruto to the ground.

The clown limped over to the blond shinobi and said, "I'll take that box now if you don't mind so terri-," before the clown could finish his sentence, Naruto just the poofed into nothing.

"Actually, I do mind." The clown heard from behind him as he received an even more powerful uppercut from Naruto that sent him to the ground. The clown was too tired to continue and he knew that he was beat.

Naruto walked over to the clown, looking for some answers to some of his questions. The clown looked up at the blond shinobi and he knew that he had something to say, so the clown decided to comply, fearing for his life.

"where is Sasuke Uchiha?" Naruto asked in a serious tone.

"I honestly don't know. Orochimaru-sama keeps going to different hideouts, and I'm just one of his smaller servants so he would never tell me." The clown answered cowering in fear.

"Why were you after that box?" Naruto asked getting to the next point.

"That box contains one of the most valuable things in the ninja world inside it. It holds one of the sacred reality scrolls. Orochimaru-sama demanded that we would get it for him." The clown said.

Naruto looked perplexed, thinking about what was so important about this "reality scroll." He decided to let it go for the moment, but then looked back at the clown.

"You really picked the wrong guys to mess with." Naruto stated.

"I know. I was fighting against the Nine-Tailed Foxes holder and he didn't need to use it's chakra to beat me. I'm deeply impressed." The clown said.

"How did you know who I am?" Naruto then asked.

"Orochimaru-sama always informs us about our enemies before we engage them in combat. He says it's the key to victory. Also, from what he told me, it seems as though you have lead a very sad life being shunned by your village." The clown said this to draw out the Kyuubi, but Naruto never gave in to his verbal abuse.

"Why didn't you use the foxes chakra?" The clown asked.

"Because I don't need it's chakra. Also, when I do use it, I hurt everyone. Even the people that I care about." Naruto said that fact straight from his heart. The clown responded by laughing like he was going insane. That made Naruto very angry.

"What's so funny?" Naruto asked.

"The holder of the Nine-Tailed Fox, the child whom no one wanted alive, actually has people that he cares about? That's a riot." He said and continued to laugh and notice that Naruto's rage really started to grow and he then stopped right in his tracks.

"Are you going to kill me now?" He said and in order to answer his question, naruto went down on his knees and he said,

"No. If I did kill you, it would cause pain to you, me, and your friends. Plus, your just the mad man's puppet. I want the one who is pulling your strings." The clown looked into Naruto's eyes and he knew that he was telling the truth. The clown then got an idea.

"You truly are a good man, Uzumaki Naruto. And since you spared my life, I will give you a gift that will make sure everyone else knows that as well and give you the kindness that you deserve." The clown said that with a smirk on his face. He then made a quick sequence of hand signs and Naruto back up with a kunai handy.

"Ninja Art: Aphrodisiac Mist!" The clown bellowed and blew out a cloud of mist from his mouth that swallowed up Naruto inside of it.

'_A smoke screen! Where is the clown…?'_ He thought before he fell to the ground asleep.

"Enjoy your gift kid. You'll love it to death…" The clown said and he then fell to the ground dead.

What kind of jutsu could the clown have used? What did he mean by 'you'll love it to death?' What will happen when naruto wakes up? Find out the answers to these questions and more in the next chapter of Naruto Uzumaki: Love Machine and Hating it: the Hot Bachelor?


	2. The Hot Bachelor?

Naruto Uzumaki: Love Machine and Hating it.

Disclaimer: the following is a fan based story. Naruto Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo. Please support the official release.

**Flashback**

_Thought_

Jutsu

Chapter 2: the Hot Bachelor?

Naruto woke up to find himself in a hospital room, again. He then started to look around to only find that his only company was Yamato. Naruto sat up to talk to him.

"What day is it?" Naruto asked Yamato.

"Four days after the mission, Kakashi-senpai and I found you knocked out in the middle of the forest and took you back to the village. Sakura and Sai went on ahead in order to deliver the box. Oh, by the way, here is your share." Yamato handed Naruto his payment for the mission and then waited for his response.

"What happened to that clown I was fighting?" Naruto asked.

"He died. It looks like you did a real number on him." Yamato said. Naruto then remembered that he spared the clowns life, so why was he dead?

"Anyway, I was told by Hokage-sama that you can check out now that your awake. I'll get out of your way, later Naruto." Yamato said that and he then walked out of the room. Naruto shortly followed his lead and walked out of the room, not prepared for what was waiting for him outside his hospital room.

Naruto walked towards the check out counter and he then heard a scream from across the hall.

"Naruto!!!" It was Ino and she was running right towards him. He was about to say hello to her but she then took him into a hug.

"How have you been? Did you have fun on your last mission? Are you okay? Are you happy to see me?" Ino asked Naruto a bombardment of questions and Naruto slowly replied.

"Uh, hey Ino. I guess I had fun on my mission. I'm fine now, and uh yeah, I'm happy to see you." Naruto said confused.

"I'm so glad to see you. I just stopped to say hello, now I have to go back to work. Also, remember one thing. If you need my help for anything, I'll be there for you. _Anything._" Ino said that and then ran up into an operation room with a smile on her face. She left a confused look on Naruto's face however. His confusion was short lived when another thing got his attention. His stomach.

Naruto went up to Ichiraku in order to get his regular meal. he got a warm welcome from the owner and a very warm welcome from his daughter.

"I haven't seen you in a long time, Naruto-kun. I have your favorite ramen already prepared for you in bulk. Now please, eat to your hearts content! It's all on the house!" Ayame said. The expression on Naruto's was half shocked and half amazed at the idea of eating all the ramen in front of him for free. Her father, on the other hand, had only objections to the idea.

"Are you sure about that, honey?" Her father said.

"HE HAS BEEN OUR BEST CUSTOMER FOR YEARS! IT'S THE LEAST THAT WE OWE HIM FATHER!" Ayame bellowed to her father. Her statement left both Naruto and her father scared and her father complied with an awkward nod.

"Perfect, now eat up Naruto-kun!" Ayame said sweetly. Naruto just began to eat his pork ramen slowly thinking a little bit more about that clown.

'_He didn't really look like he was on the verge of death when I last saw him. So why did he die? Could it have been that jutsu he used? I'll have to find out more about that jutsu.' _His train of thought was disturbed when he heard another bowl of ramen go on the table. He looked over to his right side to notice it was another fellow ninja, Tenten.

"How are you doing Naruto?" Tenten asked curiously.

"I'm doing fine Tenten, how are you?" Naruto replied.

"Not so good. I'm kind of in a little rough time with Neji." tenten said.

"Really? I didn't know that you two were an item." Naruto said.

"We were for a little bit, but now were not even talking to each other. I need someone else to talk to." Tenten said. She seemed to be implying something. Naruto, however, didn't notice.

"Well, if you can't get bushy brow to listen to you, I'll see what I can do." Naruto said.

"Now I see why Hinata is head-over-heels for you. Your kind, strong, kind of attractive…" Tenten said as she started to caress his face and feel his biceps. Naruto felt a bit awkward and fell over his seat with Tenten 'accidentally' falling from hers as well and lands on top of him.

"Wow, you really are handsome, Naruto-kun." Tenten was starting to move her face closer to Naruto's. A slight blush came across his face and he wondered how he could get out of his pickle. His answer came with a vengeance and a frying pan. Ayame threw the pan at Tenten's head.

"Back off, weapons freak! I saw him first!" Ayame screamed.

"Well, did you ever sleep with him?" Tenten questioned innocently as she got up.

"Well, no."

"Funny thing about being on a mission. When you sleep, you sleep either under the stars or in a tent with your team. And I have been on night missions with Naruto-kun more times than I can count. Plus, most of the time, were both in the same tent." Tenten said proudly.

"Oh yeah, well… why don't we ask Naruto-kun who he likes better?" Ayame said and Tenten nodded at the idea. To their dismay, however, Naruto managed to escape from the girl's grasp some time before the argument started. From across Konoha, they could hear him scream, "Send me a bill!"

As soon as he was as far away from the ramen shop as possible, Naruto started to think about what was happening around him. He was wondering if they all had some form of connection.

'What the hell is going on? I don't usually talk to Tenten, so why was she trying to kiss me? For that matter, I don't usually talk to Ino or Ayame outside of work or lunch, so why were they being so nice to me?' Then he remembered what the clown said to him.

**Flashback**

"**You truly are a good man, Uzumaki Naruto. And since you spared my life, I will give you a gift that will make sure everyone else knows that as well and give you the kindness that you deserve." **

'Okay, now I really need to learn more about the jutsu he used. Maybe I should go to the library. First I have to find out where it is.' Naruto thought as he bumped into someone and knocked over the books that person was carrying.

"I am so sorry about this!" Naruto said.

"It's alright, don't worry…" The person looked up and noticed that it was her friend and teammate she just walked into and vice versa.

"Naruto." Sakura said shocked.

"Uh, hey Sakura-chan." Naruto said and help Sakura pick up her books. As he was picking them up, he thought.

'Damn it, why did I have to see Sakura-chan? If I am right about the jutsu, Sakura-chan may act just like Tenten. Wait a minute, why would that be a problem? Wait, snap out of it, horn dog. It would be wrong of me and I have something to do right now.'

As soon as finished helping Sakura pick up her books, he asked her,

"Do you know where the library is?"

"Uh, yeah, it's just down that street over there." Sakura said and pointed towards the street she was talking about. She then thought.

'Since when did Naruto go to the library?'

"Uh, thank you. I'll see you around Sakura-chan." he said as he handed her the books back and started to walk over to the library.

"Wait!" Sakura said.

'Samn it, I was so close to getting away!' Naruto thought.

"Since your going to the library too, can you help me with these books?" Sakura asked. She didn't know, but Naruto felt very relieved inside that she wasn't acting like the others.

"Sure, why not?" Naruto said as he grabbed some books from Sakura and started to walk with her to the library.

At the library, Naruto was reading quickly through book after book. He was looking for some information on the jutsu that the clown used on him. It almost seemed hopeless, until he struck gold in a book that covered forbidden jutsu.

'Perfect, now let's see what it says about the jutsu.'

Text inside the book

Ninja Art: Aphrodisiac Mist: A powerful emotion effecting jutsu that is inscribed in one of the four Reality Scrolls.

'The Reality Scrolls again…' Naruto thought. He then thought about what the clown said to him.

**Flashback**

"**That box contains one of the most valuable things in the ninja world inside it. It holds one of the sacred reality scrolls. Orochimaru-sama demanded that we would get it for him." **

'_**These scrolls must really be that powerful if a power, hungry monster like Orochimaru wants them.'**_

_**Text inside the book**_

_**This jutsu, when used, causes a powerful mist/smoke screen to appear from the user of the technique's breath. The size of the mist is equal to the amount of chakra or life force that the caster pours into the making of the jutsu.**_

'_**Well that explains why the clown died.' Naruto thought as he continued to read.**_

_**Text inside the book**_

_**Those who are subjected to the jutsu almost immediately fall asleep for x amount of time. When the subjects to the jutsu awaken, they start to give off an invisible, almost irresistible chakra aura that effects everyone of the opposite gender to the subject and causes them to feel a powerful infatuation towards the subject of the jutsu. Plus, the longer the technique stays in effect, the stronger it becomes. The jutsu can only be canceled out by the subject doing the hand signs sequence of the jutsu backwards after the technique has been active for at least two weeks. Also, the subject must take full advantage of the jutsu's power before he or she can cancel it. **_

_**Naruto was trying his hardest to take all of this new information in. **_

'_**So now every girl I meet wants me? What should I do about it? I have to cancel out this jutsu asap. But wait. The book says I have to wait two weeks before I can cancel it and I have to use this jutsu's power to it's fullest ability. That means…'**_

"_**It means you'll be making kits for the next two weeks!" The Fox said.**_

'_**Is the anything you can do to help me Kyuubi?' Naruto asked.**_

"_**You can use my chakra as a form of Viagra. That could help." The Fox said.**_

'_**Your no help at all.' Naruto said.**_

"_**And your no fun." Kyuubi retorted.**_

_**Sakura, from afar, was admiring Naruto's concentration in reading the books that weren't in the children's section of the library. She didn't even know that he could read.**_

'_**Wow, this is a side of Naruto I've never seen before.' She thought.**_

'_**He looks sexy to me on either side!' Screamed her alter ego.**_

'_**Yeah… wait, what!? He's my friend, I don't think of him like that!" Sakura said to her inner self.**_

"_**We share a brain, genius! I know how you feel about him, now I am telling you to go for the gold!." **_

_**Sakura couldn't think of any retort to say to her inner self and decided to just put it out of her mind for now. Her efforts, however, will prove to be futile. Naruto walked up to her and said,**_

"_**Hey Sakura-chan, I got what I wanted here, so do you want to stay or would you like me to walk you home?" Naruto asked still thinking about what the book said.**_

_**Sakura hesitated to responded to the blond bombshell shinobi and her face turned bright red. **_

'_**Not her too.' Naruto thought.**_

"_**Sakura-chan, are you okay?" Naruto asked.**_

"_**Uh, y yeah, I'm fine. Go on ahead Naruto. I've got other stuff to do." Sakura said. **_

"_**Okay, see you around then." Naruto said and as he walked away, he thought, 'Maybe Sakura-chan is an exception to the jutsu. Oh well, I'm glad it doesn't effect her.'**_

_**Naruto had no idea how wrong he was. **_

_**Naruto reached his home one hour later than usual. He was trying to find the perfect way home without having to come into contact with women. He still remembered that he had to do something with the girl if the opportunity came up in order to cancel the jutsu. Little did he know, that his opportunity came sooner for him than expected. As soon as he came into his apartment, a figure was standing in the darkness waiting for him**_

"_**Naruto-kun." The figure said seductively.**_

_**Naruto wondered who the person was. He turned on the light and he saw…**_

_**Something you'll have to wait for in the next chapter! Sorry for the evil cliffhanger, but I felt it was the perfect time to end the chapter. I dare everyone now to guess who it is in the darkness, and if I like the idea of who it is, I might put it in the next chapter. Why now of all times?! **_

_**Warning: next chapter there will be lemon.**_


End file.
